Do The Write Thing

To quote Alicia Bridges, "I love nightlife. I love to boogie." However, there are the seven nights of the week when I'm usually not partying down, but I am at home, lying quietly, sleepless in my bed. The house has been still for hours now, and no one will interrupt me. This is the best time to unwind and release all the tension built up from the pressures and stresses of everyday life. I turn on my computer and put on some relaxing music to help set the mood and provide me with some stimulation. Though a nice pinot does help to get the "juices" flowing a bit, I do not often rely on it. I then open up a window of the Internet Explorer. Next, I go to a favorite site of mine that I frequent at such a time as this. Sometimes I just rely on the one that's already included, but I do find Merriam-Webster Online to be a better, more helpful resource. By now I think you can probably guess what I do next. Yes, I open Microsoft Word. That's right, I like to write. I write vigorously and as often as inspiration hits me. And I write like a man should write – no true form or structure, no outlining, no brainstorming, no iambic pentameters, and no well-placed rhyme schemes – just raw, unrefined heartfelt emotion.

I know that it may surprise you just how verbose I can be on paper, considering how I am in person. Don't worry, I surprise myself too. Quiet and reserved I am in conversation, but on paper, my words, my passion flows through me like wine in my glass on a Friday night. Yes, it is absolutely a true oddity – like the Lochness Monster or Bigfoot or evolution. But unlike the aforementioned, I am real and I can be explained. I have searched deep within myself for some kind of reasoning and have come to some conclusion concerning this Jekyll & Hyde complex of mine. The reasons I have found are as follows.

People who know me, even close friends and family, hardly ever see the inner workings of my mind… mostly because I am silent 90% of the time. Of that 10% of which I am voluble, 5% is when I'm alone, usually in the car singing loudly (yes, I probably am that weirdo behind you making strange faces and no, I am not mocking you or cursing you out). The remaining 5% is when I am around others, but still mostly consists of sounds of me being agreeable (i.e., "uh huh", "yes", "right", "ok", and "I understand"). Part of it is that I am a fairly private person; part of it is that I am open to other opinions and perspectives and rather hear what people have to say than hear myself. Another huge chunk of it is due to the fact that I conceivably suffer from some form of social anxiety disorder (or "s.a.d." for short). In social situations, I feel "s.a.d." and I have some trouble thinking clearly. I stumble while trying to find my words. This situation's been one that I've been working at overcoming for a long, long time with only little to show for all the effort so far. Well, I do think I was improving for a while, but started backsliding some after recent events… I am not going to stop trying, but in the meantime it's nice that I at least have my Microsoft Word…

Yes, akin to Matthew Murdoch's inability to see, I am unable to effectively express myself vocally. However, like Murdoch, whose other enhanced senses help him get around, my heightened writing abilities help me to communicate. Where talking and interacting with others is uncomfortable and cumbersome for me, writing feels right, it feels easy – easy like Sunday morning. It is a cathartic and invigorating experience for me. It helps me break past these mental barriers of mine and helps me express myself freely without initially worrying what other people think. And like Murdoch who uses his extraordinary abilities for good, I too strive to provide this world with something positive.

So this is why I write, and this is why I write the way that I do. I write to inform people. I write to entertain people. I write to encourage people. I write to inspire people. And although the drivel you are reading right now might not affect you, your world, or alter the course of this universe at all, I do hope to someday touch people with my words. I would love my words to mean something to someone – to move someone to action, to put a smile on a person's face, to just make life even the smallest bit better. Yes, it's hard to reach anyone when my voice is just one of billions like a grain of sand on a beach… and it's nearly impossible to be heard when blogging is like shouting in the middle of the ocean… and it is discouraging when all of the writings I have done in the past have been ignored and overlooked… and of course it's truly disheartening when I cannot even compel a friend to remain one or a loved one to even consider trying something different… But I'm going to keep writing because I do feel like I do have important things to say (at least some of the time, I think) and I can and will make a difference in someone's life in time.

Words… so important, yet always misused, abused, and taken for granted. Sometimes I do get a little too carried away with the process, but I remain true to my words. I will always say what I mean, and always mean what I say. Like Murdoch understood with his gift: "with great power, comes great responsibility (thanks to Uncle Ben for those words of wisdom)." Words of truth and guidance can provide direction and purpose in life. Words in the right context can entertain, make someone laugh, and brighten one's day. And just three small words can change the course of two lives forever. They can provide one with hope and inspiration, while the absence of words can cause confusion and disillusionment. A friend of mine recently reminded me, "Words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth." I believe my words, my passion for writing, to be a blessing and I plan to utilize it to the very best of my ability, even after if I ever overcome the whole "s.a.d." thing. What special abilities do you have? The ability to fly? To become invisible? How about the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away… with mind bullets (sorry, borrowed that one from the 'D')? How about the power… to move someone? The ability to be an outstanding role model? To be there for someone in need? Can you teach someone a special skill? Or be a true friend to someone who really needs one? We may not all be super (or superhuman like Matt Murdoch), but we still are blessed with amazing gifts/talents/opportunities and it is your decision whether to be a hero or a zero.

P.S. I wasn't always one who wrote like this. It started in college with the encouragement of one of the university's finest English professors and one emotionally-wrought writing assignment. Since then, my writing has never been the same. If you ever do attend the University of Hawaii at Manoa (and if he's still there), take a class from Professor Reinhard Friederich. I never really liked English or English class before. But all it took was one person who chose to be a hero. Need more inspiration? Meet a real Murdoch in Ben Underwood.